This time last year

This time last year, we found out we were pregnant for the fourth time. Unfortunately, we lost the first three pregnancies, so we were very guarded with our hearts upon discovering we were pregnant again. We'd had countless tests done, and there was never a "reason" found for the multiple miscarriages (which included two sets of twins - one being JP's). We knew only time would tell if this little bean was going to make it. Anyone who's experienced issues with fertility knows how torturous the wait can be.

When we realized we were pregnant, we had an early ultrasound. It showed one baby with a strong heartbeat. A couple days later, I experienced some bleeding, and a second ultrasound showed the baby no longer had a heartbeat. We were numb. I think we were ready to give up having a child naturally. Biologically. My D&C was scheduled. The morning of the D&C, the doctor ordered a "confirmation" ultrasound before the procedure. Initially, I thought this was a little cruel...we already know the baby is gone, why look again?

Well, thank the Lord for that ultrasound! The tech's face turned white while she was looking at the screen. She turned to us and said "I don't believe this. There's another baby here with a strong heartbeat. I've never seen this before." Talk about being emotionally yanked around. My stomach was sick...Jason couldn't even form a sentence...did I really almost have an accidental abortion? The doctor called me personally, very apologetic that they missed the twin initially. I think I was so numb, I just said "okay. it's okay." I could tell he was nervous for my reaction...I guess I could have really let him have it..but, I didn't have it in me. I didn't believe this baby stood a chance anyway. We'd conceived twins before in Alabama, saw both heartbeats, then lost both. I was sure that's what was going to happen again.

Well, this little bean kept on surviving. At my 12 week appointment, the ultrasound went great, the baby was growing beautifully. After I was shocked that my next ultrasound wouldn't be until I was 20 weeks along, the OB put her hand on my leg and said "this is a now considered a normal pregnancy." I cried. Normal? Relief. Yet, still very guarded.

If you know me, you know the pregnancy itself was beyond difficult. I had severe sickness for the first 22-23 weeks - not even nausea drugs used for cancer patients undergoing chemo could help. It was really rough. At 12 weeks, the ultrasound tech told me it was a girl (she was positive)...I surprised Jason with a little pink outfit to tell him the news. He didn't get it for a good five minutes why I gave him a PINK outfit. Once he did, we had a good laugh and began trying to picture our lives with a little girl. Then at 20 weeks, we saw a penis. (really, was I on candid camera?) Scratch the girl names. Around 24 weeks, I experienced depression and anxiety - much like postpartum but during the pregnancy. That was a whole other hill I had to climb. Never a dull moment.

Then, 9 days before my due date, Jason Palmer decided enough was enough. He made an early debut within 5 pushes. I think God knew how tough I had it, so he "threw me a bone" when it came to the delivery. (Thanks, God!) We welcomed our beautiful baby boy into the world on Monday, May 4, 2009.

It was done. I think after looking at him, touching him, hearing him cry, I finally allowed myself to believe it. I was a mom. Jason was a dad. I wasn't going to lose this one.

So, to sum it all up - this time last year, I was looking at this...

Never believing it could turn into this...

I don't regret our crazy experience. (I mean, I could have gone without puking at work five dozen times - it echoed in there!!) But, honestly, through it all, we've grown as a couple tremendously, and we've learned that life is truly a gift. A huge, fabulous, perfect gift from God. Every day when I snuggle this little blessing in my arms, I thank God for allowing me to realize just how special he is and how lucky I am to have this little man who makes my heart burst with love. A gift. The best gift I've ever received.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and our little miracle throughout the past year! Those prayers were certainly answered! :)